I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
