I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
