I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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