You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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