Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
