my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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