you traded sex for a burrito?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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