God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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