oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
