oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You need Xanax blowdarts
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
