Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
they're like a gay fantastic four
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
