we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
