I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
