"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
