There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
