dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
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The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
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I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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