I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
