I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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