Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
