Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
