Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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