You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
