If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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