He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
