Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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