A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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