if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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