so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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