So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
