I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
