I'm jealous of your bromance
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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