Just fell off a train. Bad.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
