Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This toilet bowl is my home.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
