just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
