you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
