I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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