my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
