Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
