your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
