Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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