Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
