Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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