Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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