i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
