i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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