So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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