Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
