I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
