I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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