dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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