oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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