does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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