Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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