my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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