I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
