I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
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I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize