how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize