My brain says no but my pants say off.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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