last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
