So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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