uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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