That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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