so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Pants 0. Shit 1.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
