States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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