Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
