found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
