Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
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Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
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My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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