I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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