Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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