I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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