Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
