I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
