So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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