of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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