the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
