you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
