dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
