My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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