sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0