Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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