i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
