Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
