so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest