wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
