hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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