I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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