There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
