you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
