Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
